Bethany “Roses” Porter

Alumni : Beta Theta

Instrument

Horn

Hometown

Huntington Beach

High school

Edison High School

Major

Microbiology/Genetics

Graduation year

2007

Biography

It was in a small town in Alaska, the morning of July 2, 1985, when Bethany “Roses” Porter was born. After years of hypothermia and environmentally-induced brain freezes, her parents decided it was best to put this poor soul out of its misery. Seconds before they were to administer the lethal injection that would end Bethany’s acescent life in the freezing Arctic, where she ate only worms and saw sunlight for a mere 3 hours a day, her father was offered a job in sunny Huntington Beach, California. It was at that moment that Bethany’s life changed forever. No more eight stars of gold on a field of blue, no more Last Frontier. For the first time in her life, Bethany’s annelidous diet was replaced by a more humane “continental” diet, as her parents called it, and she was burnt constantly by that glowing “star” in the sky which miraculously remained floating for a dozen hours a day.

Bethany’s childhood proceeded free from trauma or suffering—in fact, it was possibly the most boring childhood you could possibly imagine. She never got in trouble, spent most of her time at the public library reading science fiction/fantasy books, and practiced her French horn when she was not talking about how amazing it was. Bethany’s parents and four sisters were a constant part of her life, as her mother taught the AP Biology class at Edison High School. A fond memory of these teenage years involves Mrs. Pam Porter dressing up as an X chromosome for Halloween. Oh, the joy of adolescence!

Years later, Bethany would leave Huntington Beach for the busy metropolis of Los Angeles. Her career at UCLA was marked by an unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and Star Wars, and the habit of titivating her dorm rooms with ornaments celebrating said dorkiness. Her major, Microbiology, Immunology, & Molecular Genetics, only reinforced Bethany’s innate tendency toward the sciences. She was never too fond of anatomy, but parasitology was all it took to get young Roses all hot and bothered.

After four years of Marching Band, three of Kappa Kappa Psi, and innumerable Fiat Luxes, Bethany’s future is looking bright and nerdy. She plans to attend Cal State University Dominguez Hills to earn her degree as a Medical Technologist (MT), performing diagnostic analytic tests on a cornucopia of human body fluids, as gross as that sounds. Yet, who has the right to judge this fine scholar? It was Shakespeare who said, “To thine self be true.” Therefore it is only fitting that Roses should follow her heart into the world of medicine, where she will wake up every morning, her blood boiling with ecstasy anticipating hours of analyzing blood, urine, sputum, stool, and other fanciful fluids. Yes, sir. Bethany is one swell gal.

Fraternal Family

Little Brothers

Michael “Miche” Branson

Ben Llewellyn